I Think We Should Be More Particular

I think I am becoming more particular as I get older, and I actually really like that about myself.

I know what kind of clothes I like. I know that I would rather wait and save for something good than buy the cheaper version I don't really want. I know what makes a restaurant worth going to for me, what kind of trips I enjoy, what I want my home to eventually feel like and even what kind of books I am interested in reading. There are also plenty of things other people seem to care about that I just don't.

I don't think being particular means everything needs to be expensive or perfect. If anything, I've found the opposite. Once you start developing personal taste, you become much better at recognizing when something is actually worth paying for and when you're being sold an idea. I can spend quite a lot on one thing and then be completely unwilling to spend $15 on another because I know I won't appreciate it.

I'm trying to get better at that distinction. These are some of the things I've become particularly particular about.

1. I’m Particular About the Clothes I Bring Into My Closet

I really dislike fast fashion. Not only because of what it represents environmentally and ethically, but because I don't like the relationship with clothes that it encourages. I don't want to constantly need a new top for Friday, wear it twice, get tired of it and start looking for the next one.

I would much rather buy a dress I am slightly obsessed with and still be wearing it several summers from now. I like feminine silhouettes, lace, florals, beautiful knits and pieces that have enough personality to be interesting without becoming obsolete the second a trend changes. If something is well made and feels very me, I don't mind spending more on it because I know I'm going to find reasons to wear it.

I've also become much more willing to leave a store with nothing. I used to think finding something that was almost right was enough. Now, if the fabric feels cheap, the fit is slightly strange or I know deep down I'm only interested because I've been seeing that style everywhere, I would rather leave it.

For me, conscious consumption doesn't mean never buying another dress. I love clothes far too much for that. It means wanting a wardrobe where I can remember why I chose everything in it.

2. I’m Particular About Where I Go Out to Eat

I love going somewhere beautiful for dinner. In fact, atmosphere probably matters to me more than it does to some people. I want to get ready properly, wear something I don't get to wear during the day, order a drink and sit somewhere where you actually want to stay for a few hours.

But I have very little patience for trendy restaurants with average food.

You know the kind. It takes two weeks to get the reservation, there is a very specific type of lighting, everyone seems to be photographing the same corner of the restaurant and somehow the pasta is $64 and tastes like something you could have made at home on a Wednesday. Worse if the fries arrive cold.

At that point I don't care how nice the bathroom is. I will happily spend money on a really good dinner because dinner can be the entire evening. Good food, good service and the right atmosphere are absolutely among the things that I'll spend money on. I just don't want to pay for the appearance of having had a good time.

3. I’m Particular About the Hotels I Stay In

I completely understand people who say the hotel doesn't matter because you're only there to sleep. I am simply not one of those people. The hotel is part of travelling for me. I like waking up somewhere lovely, taking my time getting ready, coming back in the afternoon when I've been walking for hours, having somewhere nice to sit and occasionally deciding that I would rather have one drink at the hotel before going back out.

I don't need the most expensive hotel in a city, but I do want somewhere that adds something to the trip rather than somewhere I tolerate because technically it has a bed.

This is probably one of the clearest examples of intentional spending in my own life. I would genuinely rather travel a little less often and enjoy the trips I do take in the way I know I like travelling. Someone else might put every possible dollar toward seeing more places, and I understand that completely. I just know myself well enough now to know I wouldn't enjoy doing it that way.

4. I’m Particular About Reading Books I Genuinely Want to Read

I want to read more classics, but I refuse to turn reading into homework again. There are so many books I genuinely want to know. I want to understand why people are still talking about them decades or centuries later, notice the references I've apparently been missing my entire life and occasionally have to look something up because I have absolutely no idea what nineteenth-century social convention everyone in the chapter is upset about.

But I also want to read books simply because they're good. I don't think there is any prize waiting for me because I forced myself through 400 pages I hated. If I've given a book a fair chance and I am still checking how many pages are left every ten minutes, I am becoming increasingly comfortable putting it down.

I want my bookshelf to eventually tell you what I'm interested in, not what I thought an impressive bookshelf was supposed to contain.

5. I’m Particular About What I Put on My Skin

I love beauty, but beauty might be one of the easiest areas in which to lose your own judgment.

There is always another product. Suddenly everyone needs a particular serum, lip treatment, hair mask or tool that apparently solves a problem I hadn't realized I had until approximately thirty seconds ago.

I've become much more particular about what gets added to my routine. I would rather finish the skincare I already know my skin likes, repurchase the makeup I actually use and spend more on a few products where I genuinely notice the difference.

My favourite beauty products are usually the ones that look slightly less exciting because they're half empty. That's probably the best review I can give something. If I'm scraping the sides of the container rather than discovering it untouched six months later, it was worth buying.

6. I’m Particular About the Food I Bring Home

Food is one of the things I am completely comfortable spending more money on. I care about eating healthy, but more than that, I care about feeling properly nourished by what I eat. I want fresh produce in the fridge, meals with vegetables, fruit, good sources of fibre and protein and ingredients that make me feel like I have actually taken care of myself by the time I finish eating.

I also don't mind paying more for better ingredients when the difference matters to me. I will choose organic produce when I can, spend extra on good fruit and vegetables, and buy the version of an ingredient that I think is better quality rather than automatically reaching for the cheapest one. Of course, not everything in my grocery cart needs to be organic or expensive, but food is one category where saving a few dollars isn't always my first priority.

7. I’m Particular About the Shoes I Spend My Days In

There are certain things where the inexpensive version can be completely adequate. Shoes have taught me, rather painfully, that they are not always one of them.

I care about how shoes look, obviously, but I've become much more interested in how they're constructed, what they're made from and whether I can actually live in them. A beautiful pair of shoes that leaves me thinking about my feet for six hours is not particularly useful to me.

I'd rather have fewer pairs that I genuinely love, take care of them and keep them for years. I  prefer to invest in a pair of high-quality shoes built to support my feet. The same applies to a good coat, knitwear, bags and certain basics. These are things worth investing in because longevity actually changes the ROI. 

Quality over quantity can sound like one of those phrases everyone repeats, but I think you understand it differently once you've actually owned something long enough to see the difference in quality.

8. I’m Particular About Spending on Memories

One of the things I'm trying to become more aware of is the difference between spending money on my life and simply spending money throughout my day.

There is a surprising amount of money that can disappear into things I don't even remember. Delivery fees, an Uber I didn't really need, random little purchases, food bought because I didn't plan ahead. None of them feels particularly consequential at the time, which is probably why they add up so easily.

Then there are experiences I remember years later. A beautiful dinner on vacation. A weekend somewhere I've wanted to visit. Tickets to something I was genuinely excited about. Even a really good day trip with people I love.

Those are things worth investing in to me. I don't want to become so concerned with saving money that I stop enjoying it. I just want more of my spending to end up attached to something I can actually remember.

9. I’m Particular About Not Paying for Every Convenience

I don't think convenience is always the better option. There are obviously things I will happily pay a professional to do because I have no business attempting them myself. But I also like knowing how to do things. Cooking a really good meal, caring properly for clothes, doing my own hair, arranging flowers, sewing something small, organizing a closet properly instead of continually buying storage solutions for it.

Sometimes paying someone is worth every dollar. Sometimes learning the skill is more satisfying.

I think conscious consumption includes questioning convenience occasionally. Not because we need to make our lives unnecessarily difficult, but because outsourcing every small inconvenience can also mean never becoming particularly capable at anything. There is something nice about looking at something and knowing, I can do that.

10. I’m Particular About Perfume Becoming Part of My Identity

Fragrance feels more personal to me than most beauty products because eventually people start associating it with you. I don't really want to buy a perfume because it has gone viral and suddenly everyone is wearing it. I would rather have a small collection where every bottle smells distinctly like something I chose for myself.

I also like having different fragrances for different times in my life. Something lighter that I reach for constantly in summer, something warmer once it gets cold, a perfume I like more at night. Scent is so closely connected to memory that I can smell something I wore constantly during a certain period and immediately remember getting ready at that time, where I was going and sometimes even the clothes I was wearing.

For that reason, good fragrance is absolutely one of the things that I'll spend money on. I would rather have three perfumes I genuinely love than fifteen bottles I bought because they were inexpensive, trendy or smelled nice enough in the store.

I Just Want the Things I Care About to Be Good

Maybe the best part of developing personal taste is realizing that you don't actually need an opinion about everything. There are categories where I am extremely particular. Clothes, food, hotels, certain beauty products, the atmosphere of somewhere I'm spending an evening. I notice these things. They affect my experience enough that I am willing to research, wait, save or pay more. And then there are things I just don't care about enough to buy the special version.

I think social media has made this distinction harder because virtually anything can now be presented as an essential upgrade. Suddenly there is a correct water bottle, a fashionable kitchen appliance, a particular workout set, an expensive organizer for the drawer where you keep other organizers.

I don't want every ordinary object I own to become a purchasing decision worthy of research. That is probably what being more particular means to me. It isn't demanding the very best of everything. It's deciding what your things are.

I like the idea of intentional spending, but only if we allow intention to sometimes mean spending more. I want to buy fewer clothes and love them more. I want the restaurant to actually be good. I want to stay somewhere I enjoy coming back to. I want to read the book because I can't stop reading it, not because I think I should read it because everyone else loved it.

The Life Extract has always been interested in the everyday art of living well, and I think part of that is becoming specific enough about your own life that you stop needing every choice to be validated by someone else's.

There are things that I'll spend money on, things I won't, things I'll wait for and things I will happily buy inexpensively because the difference means absolutely nothing to me.

I don't need everything to be the best. I just want the things I care about to be good.