The Beauty Rituals I Learned From Watching Other Women

I think most of what I know about beauty I learned by watching other women.

Some of it came from my mother, some from friends I've spent countless hours getting ready beside, and some from women I've passed on the street and never seen again. There are things I've picked up from old photographs and films too, particularly women like Audrey Hepburn, whose look relied on a strong brow, beautiful skin, eyeliner, a little lipstick. There was always something recognizably her underneath it all.

And then there are the things I've learned simply by getting beauty wrong. Wearing too much foundation because I thought good skin meant not being able to see any skin at all. Buying products because everyone else loved them. Trying makeup trends that looked beautiful on someone else's face and completely foreign on mine. Eventually you start figuring out the difference between appreciating something beautiful and needing to make it your own.

Empowering beauty rituals are something we can carry for years. The things we do before bed, the makeup we return to again and again, the five minutes we spend getting ready even when we aren't going anywhere particularly important. These rituals have become less about trying to look perfect and more about feeling connected to the most confident, feminine version of myself. These are the ones I keep coming back to.

Skincare always comes before makeup

It took me years of loving makeup to realize that some of the best makeup advice has very little to do with makeup at all.

I used to think the answer to better-looking makeup was finding better makeup. If my foundation didn't look quite right, perhaps I needed another foundation. If it wasn't glowing enough, I needed a primer. If my skin looked textured, surely there was something I could buy to make it disappear. Eventually I realized I was asking makeup to do a job that really belonged to skincare.

These days, I would much rather spend time taking care of the skin underneath. I keep it relatively simple: cleansing properly, moisturizing, wearing sunscreen every morning and paying enough attention to my skin to notice what it actually needs rather than constantly introducing something new. When my skin feels healthy and hydrated, everything I put on top of it looks better anyway.

More importantly, I no longer use makeup for coverage. I like seeing skin. I like a little natural texture, freckles showing through, the colour of my cheeks. There is something much fresher about makeup when you can still see the woman underneath it.

Get ready for your own life

I've noticed that the women I find most elegant aren't necessarily dressed up all the time. They simply seem ready for the day. There is a difference.

I started noticing it in myself too. On the days when I wake up and stay in whatever I slept in, leave my hair untouched and tell myself I'll get ready later, I never quite feel like the day has properly begun. By contrast, even ten minutes spent washing my face, doing my skincare, brushing my hair, changing my clothes and putting on a little makeup completely changes how I feel. 

Whenever I leave the house without taking the time to get ready, I never quite feel like myself. Nothing is necessarily wrong, but something feels slightly off, and I carry that feeling with me for the rest of the day.

I don't do a full face every morning and I certainly don't think anyone needs to. Sometimes my version of getting ready is moisturized skin, brushed brows, blush and hair pulled back neatly. It isn't about looking impressive. It's about that tiny moment in the morning when I look in the mirror and use my beauty ritual to prepare me for what’s to come.

Find your signature

One of the things I have always loved about Audrey Hepburn's beauty is that you can look at photographs of her across completely different periods and still recognize her immediately. Hairstyles changed, makeup evolved, fashion moved on, but there were certain elements that always felt unmistakably hers.

I think there is something incredibly elegant about that.

We're encouraged to reinvent our faces constantly now. Every few months there is another eyebrow, another lip, another way we're supposed to place our blush. I love experimenting with beauty, but having something that both you and others recognize as distinctly you will make you appreciate your own beauty so much more.

For me, my signature has become glowing skin and blush. I love skin that looks fresh and luminous rather than completely matte and perfected, and I almost always want colour in my cheeks. I always seem to come back to those two things.

Brush your hair before bed

Old Hollywood understood the ritual of brushing your hair before bed. There’s something nostalgic about it, a beauty habit that women have practiced for generations.

It takes only a few minutes. I take my hair down, gently brush through it and give it the attention that is easy to skip when I’m tired. There’s no immediate result and no one is there to see it, which is perhaps why I like it so much.

So much of beauty is focused on how we look once we leave the house, but some of the most timeless beauty rituals happen in private. They are simply small ways of taking care of yourself.

ALWAYS take your makeup off

This is one beauty ritual I've learned not to negotiate with myself about. Hair goes back, makeup comes off, skin gets cleansed and moisturized, teeth get brushed, and then I can go to bed.

What I've realized is that certain forms of taking care of yourself become considerably easier once you stop making decisions about them. I don't decide every night whether I'm going to do this; I do it no matter what. 

There is also something lovely about the process itself. At the end of a day spent dressed and, made up, I like to come undone. 

Keep your hands and nails cared for

I have always noticed women's hands.

Not elaborate nail art or necessarily an expensive manicure. I'm talking about the quieter details: nails kept neat, hands moisturized, cuticles cared for, perhaps a beautiful red or sheer polish, perhaps nothing at all.

There's something incredibly timeless about well-kept hands because it isn't particularly trend-dependent. You can look at photographs of elegant women from decades ago and notice the same thing. It's simply another form of grooming, and grooming is the maintenance needed to look polished.

I like to apply a little retinol to my hands before bed, followed by hand cream, and I always keep a nail file handy.

Own Red Lipstick and Use It

I recently returned from Paris, and it made me realize something about red lipstick: we take it far too seriously. I saw women wearing it in the middle of the day with otherwise incredibly simple faces. Skin, perhaps mascara, sunglasses, hair that wasn't meticulously styled and a beautiful red mouth. It didn't look like evening makeup. I came home wanting to wear mine more.

It is timeless in the way the best things in beauty tend to be, a little glamorous, deeply feminine and forever elegant. There is something almost nostalgic about a red lip, a nod to the women who wore it before us and to an era when getting dressed and putting on lipstick were simply part of the pleasure of being a woman. And yet, it never feels like a costume. Perhaps that is exactly why it deserves to come out of the special-occasion drawer and find its way into our everyday beauty routines.

Make getting ready part of the occasion

Some of my favourite memories with women have happened before we've actually gone anywhere. Someone is sitting on the floor doing her hair. Someone else has taken over the bathroom mirror. Makeup bags are open everywhere, music is playing, clothes have migrated onto every available surface, and everyone is asking everyone else whether they prefer the first dress or the second.

There is something wonderfully feminine about getting ready together, but I've realized I enjoy giving myself that experience when I'm alone too.

For a long time, getting ready was something I tried to do as efficiently as possible. It was the inconvenient stretch of time between me and whatever I was actually doing that evening. Now, when I can, I deliberately give myself longer. I'll put music on, shower, do my skincare, sit down to do my makeup and actually think about what I want to wear rather than pulling things out of my wardrobe in a panic ten minutes before I need to leave.

The dinner is lovely, of course. But I've stopped thinking that the dinner is the only part I'm allowed to enjoy.

Keep something in your routine that serves absolutely no purpose

Not everything needs to be productive or results-driven. This is something I increasingly believe about beauty.

There should be something in your routine that you do simply because it feels lovely. Perfume after an evening shower even though you're going straight to bed. A luxury body cream that takes longer to massage in than necessary. Putting your hair in rollers while you make breakfast. Sitting in a robe for an extra ten minutes while your skincare settles. Wearing lipstick to get coffee by yourself. 

Allow yourself to be extra, and take one of these “unproductive” beauty rituals seriously because it makes the everyday feel a little more special.

Beauty sleep really is a beauty ritual

The older I get, the less interested I am in pretending I can outsmart sleep.

I like thinking of sleep as part of beauty rather than something separate from it. Taking your makeup off, brushing your hair, putting your phone away, getting into clean sheets and allowing the day to be finished is perhaps the least glamorous beauty advice imaginable, but it might be some of the best. Your days feel more beautiful when you’ve slept enough to be fully awake for them.

Let your beauty change with you

The thing I've always admired about elegant women is that they remain recognizable while allowing themselves to become different versions of that woman.

I want that too. I want to have phases. I want the barely-there makeup years and the glamorous years, and sometimes I want the best of both worlds. I want to cut my hair and miss it long, discover something new and eventually return to something I loved ten years earlier. I want my beauty routine to reflect the woman I am at that particular point in my life rather than become a set of rules I made for myself years ago.

And maybe that's what I've really learned from watching other women.

The women I find most beautiful aren't necessarily the women who have perfected themselves. They're the ones who seem comfortable in the ongoing process of knowing themselves.

They take care of themselves when people are watching, but they also do it when nobody is.

And perhaps that is the kind of beauty I've grown most interested in.

Taking very good care of the woman you're becoming.